Dear You

Dear You,

I got this idea in a book to write you a letter in hopes that this will help me, finally, get over you. I first met you through a mutual friend and didn’t think much of it. Looking back on it now I don’t even remember how and why we became so close after that. I do remember when I didn’t have feelings for you. I was talking to you on the phone and you were listing off the girls you had liked in the past and I thought it was funny. Later, I would find it annoying that I wasn’t the girl on the top of that list. I was in denial for the longest time not being able to even say it in my head to myself. But I finally let it consume me and I fell extremely hard for the boy who I forced into becoming my best friend. I always felt as if I was bothering you to some extent because of the effort it took for me to be your friend. I remember a time where there was more of a mutual back and forth but around senior year it was all me; me calling you, me planning times to hang out with you, me Skyping you, and me texting you to no end. Me insisting we buy each other gifts for the holidays and for birthdays, me thinking of you constantly, aching over the fact that my feelings seemed so unrequited. Hanging out with you and praying for you to make the move you never made. 

Writing this has made me realize, how liking you was just a reflection of how depressed and confused I was at the time. I gave my time up to someone who didn’t deserve it. My time will always be mine and it will always be my decision on how I’d like to spend it. 

My feelings for you loom, possibly because we aren’t friends anymore and we no longer keep any contact with each other. All I have are my memories. I desire to talk to you and I try to think of every excuse to talk to you. I hope to run into you on the street. To just see you and see who you’ve become. But I know it’s for the best that I don’t. You will always stay as a memory of my youth. Hopefully, now I can grow past that. Maybe I’ll be able to obtain a healthy back and forth relationship with someone who will care for me the way I want to care for them.

As for you, I know, through what I’ve heard that your life is rough at the moment. Even though you have caused me pain, I still believe you don’t deserve any. It seems to me that you will always be quite an infuriating person to be with but I will always truly wish you the best.

                                                                                            Yours truly,

                                                                                            Jackie Brettschneider

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